A legal advertisement from another world.

[joshuazelinsky]

 A television advertisement from a world only a little different from our own:

A man in a suit appears on the screen. He has a bookshelf behind him full of books. Most look plausibly like law books, but a few look unusually old or have strange symbols on the spines. He begins:

"We at the law firm of Squamous, Squamous and Rugose take our clients' needs seriously. Here is what two of them have to say:"

"When I woke up from sleeping for centuries in my Black Pyramid on another plane of existence, I quickly found out that much of my real estate now had little humans as squatters. But Squamous, Squamous, and Rugose helped me sort out all the legal trouble. Thanks SSR!"

"When I appeared on Earth to perform hideous blasphemous rites with human women, no one told me about the resulting paternity suits. But Squamous, Squamous and Rugose helped me establish just which offspring were my unholy spawn, destined to one day take over the frail planet, and which were just little mortal blobs of flesh. Thanks, SSR!¨

"And remember, we here are always willing to work with clients so you can pay us when and with what works for you. Listen to one of our satisfied customers."

"When I crashed to Earth in a meteorite and began spreading my Unnatural Color, I had to deal with a lot of lawsuits. I needed representation fast and I was worried that I couldn't pay for it. But Squamous, Squamous and Rugose, were willing to take just a few small modified universal constants I had lying around. Thanks, SSR."

"We at SSR have accepted not just cash, and real estate, but all sorts of things like cursed artifacts, dangerous tomes, theorems in non-standard arithmetic, and even self-propagating reality altering memes. If you need us, we can very likely work something out."

A swirling series of glyphs now appear on the screen.

"Squamous, Squamous, and Rugose. Were always on your side, or your other side, or your other other side. We´re saying we work in multiple dimensions."